The only sensible answer
1st of June, 2018. The rain rules outside as the emptiness does inside. I am laying down. Nothing moves in me but a patient digestion and some echoes of thoughts. Is it strange, that I feel so empty? When I listen to the story of the world of today, when I see the apathy in the hollow eyes of the people on the street, when I think of the worthless crap that we call food these days, when I see the kind of television programs and movies that are used today as distraction from all the pain, sadness and purposelessness, then I find it strange that not everyone here is laying down in bed next to me in exquisite emptiness.
The only sensible answer to the hellbent madness that is our culture, in my opinion starts with coming to a halt, to silence, to emptiness. That is the beginning of all healing. It is not remarkable that exactly this is being pathologized by our culture. The word and concept ‘depressed’ tries to convey the notion of ‘defective’. Coming to a halt in a culture that tries to devour everything around – even itself – is that defective, a sign of illness... Or could it be that exactly the opposite is the case?
In the end, these words do not matter much. It is not necessary for me to rationalize my current state. Today, I am simply so mentally and spiritually exhausted again that nothing but doing-nothing is possible. And for those who do not let themselves die spiritually today or tomorrow, physical death will come tomorrow or the day after as rectification. And as is true for each individual, so it goes for the whole: the culture... The system... The machine... Without any dying, no rebirth is possible. Before anything dies in sincerity, there shall never be a renaissance.
Does this sound grim and bleak? ‘Depressing’? I understand that, because it is paradoxical. Dying to live. But when you experience it or see it, you will understand. Those who have begun this process of dying, often radiate the most life and openness. Those who dare face their pain and allow the tears to flow, in their sincere vulnerability remind me of the beauty of being human. So maybe to some this sounds a bit grim and bleak, bleak and grim. But for me, it sounds beautiful and hopeful: truly living is easy. Truly living is simply letting go
The only sensible answer to the hellbent madness that is our culture, in my opinion starts with coming to a halt, to silence, to emptiness. That is the beginning of all healing. It is not remarkable that exactly this is being pathologized by our culture. The word and concept ‘depressed’ tries to convey the notion of ‘defective’. Coming to a halt in a culture that tries to devour everything around – even itself – is that defective, a sign of illness... Or could it be that exactly the opposite is the case?
In the end, these words do not matter much. It is not necessary for me to rationalize my current state. Today, I am simply so mentally and spiritually exhausted again that nothing but doing-nothing is possible. And for those who do not let themselves die spiritually today or tomorrow, physical death will come tomorrow or the day after as rectification. And as is true for each individual, so it goes for the whole: the culture... The system... The machine... Without any dying, no rebirth is possible. Before anything dies in sincerity, there shall never be a renaissance.
Does this sound grim and bleak? ‘Depressing’? I understand that, because it is paradoxical. Dying to live. But when you experience it or see it, you will understand. Those who have begun this process of dying, often radiate the most life and openness. Those who dare face their pain and allow the tears to flow, in their sincere vulnerability remind me of the beauty of being human. So maybe to some this sounds a bit grim and bleak, bleak and grim. But for me, it sounds beautiful and hopeful: truly living is easy. Truly living is simply letting go
